I was watching Dragon Age on my TV. XD
I am amused by myself. X3
So I’ve mentioned once or twice that for the past few days I’ve been listening avidly to Fatcast. This is in large part (hurr hurr) because I finally got my iPod out of my car (where it lives) and downloaded said podcast’s latest episodes to it, then hooked it back up to my car. I can now listen to it every time I drive, which is about 40 minutes a day (20 minutes to work and then back). ❤ In fact, the only downside of it is that I will soon run out of episodes, and that is a very sad thing.
I’ve been part of the fat acceptance movement for nearly a year now. It began with some links that a friend posted that led me to Shapely Prose. Then I started reading things that were linked there. Then I started reading things that other places had linked to. And I very quickly realized that this was what I had been waiting for for a long time.
I’ve always resented the fact that I’ve been made to feel ashamed of my body. In rare moments I would revel in it (especially when dancing or singing), but it didn’t take much for me to be brought low again. Friends and family did it, sometimes intentionally, sometimes not. But there was always a voice inside me that said “you don’t deserve this shit. You deserve better. Your body isn’t the enemy here”. I didn’t listen to it, because I thought it was just my stubborn streak trying to stand in the way of what was good for me. But it turns out, that stubborn streak is usually right. And when I found fat acceptance, I felt like I’d finally found the way out of the maze of self-loathing and body image problems I had (and still have). Fat acceptance isn’t a cure-all. I still have lots of issues to deal with, and my fight to feel good about myself isn’t over. But it helped me a whole lot.
The thing is, even though I’ve been reading these blogs and books and such for almost a year now, for me it wasn’t quite enough. I don’t have a lot of local people to talk to about it, and even my local friends aren’t as invested in it as I am (which is not a bad thing, but makes it difficult to talk about it in depth with them). Part of it is also because I absorb information at a much higher rate aurally (by ear) than visually (reading or watching). This is why I can listen to a lecture and then ace the test without studying, much of the time. It’s also why music is so easy for me. So reading blog posts and books and all is fine and good, but it doesn’t quite get me where I want to go.
The podcast, though. It’s almost like I’m hearing some of these concepts for the first time. I called my mother and raved to her about how amazing it was. I spend most of my listening time smiling and laughing (when I’m not frowning or shaking my head in woeful agreement) at the sound of two very intelligent, lovely and talented fat ladies talking about what it’s like to live in this world as a fat person and fat activist. And they’re so different, but so alike, which just makes it even better. Just hearing these things (such as “yeah it really fucking sucks when people call you a liar if you say you don’t sit on your ass and eat every second of every day”) is so much more powerful for me than reading them is. Yeah, the lessons were learned, but they’re really starting to sink in now, and get under my skin and make me squirm (in a good way, like I want to go do something about it).
It’s beautiful to hear people talk about what you love with such passion, and it makes you want to pump your fist in the air and yell “yes! That’s my life too!”. It’s something a lot of marginalized people don’t get to hear so often, and it’s amazing when we do.
Now if only FWD/Forward and What Tami Said had podcasts, I could die happy. ❤
MirrorMe 