Busy busy busy

I just got home and made a frozen thing for dinner.

An adult? Me? REALLY?!

I was much too busy running around Getting Stuff Done Like An Adult today to write a blog post. Sorry. XD On the plus side, I’ve written my rent check, paid my car insurance, called Midas about getting my car looked at (it’s been emitting more strange smells than usual lately), paid off my doctor’s bills (just my family doctor, not all the bills I need to pay for my surgery last year, still paying those off), called my landlord about getting some of my lightbulbs changed, and went to the store for a couple things I needed. Now I collapse to eat and play video games. XD

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Eyes on me

My video game is in a sticky place, plotwise.

There are giant flying eyeballs involved. Eyeballs kind of gross me out.

I am very tired and not up to posting anything tonight, sorry. I will say that while I dislike office gossip, it’s even worse when you overhear them gossiping about you because they think you’re still listening to music on your iPod (which is so old it only holds a charge for about two hours). Oh, well.

Also, if anyone was wondering, these are the shoes I ordered: one, two and three (but in red). I wear a size 15, in case anyone wasn’t aware. XD

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Shoes? Shoes!

Fish faaaaace.

Whaddaya want? Seryus faces?

I didn’t wear this to work, I’ll have you know. ;D I changed when I got home. And yes, I do have a bright blue bra. XD It was one of the only colors they had one time I was buying bras, and I needed more than one, so I bought it. Still, 80% of my bras are black.

… And I am going to get shoes by next week. X3 That’s really all.

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Yeah.

I bet you can't guess how I feel based on today's pictures.

Go on, take a wild guess!

Today wasn’t a horrible day, until I left work. It took me three times as long as normal to drive home from work. My normal commute is half an hour, so yeah. I was to the point of screaming my head off at traffic around me from inside my car (no, I didn’t roll down my windows or look anyone in the eye, just general screaming), which was somewhat cathartic but didn’t make me go any faster than 0.2 MPH. When I finally got off the highway, I decided to stop at Steak & Shake for a milkshake and an order of onion rings, because I was ready to kill something. They improved my mood a bit, but I still feel kind of generally sour right now. I think I will have a beer and see how I feel afterward.

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Growing Up (Bonus Post!)

So I already made my post for the day, but as I’m currently resting from cleaning bouts at the moment (about halfway done with the laundry and the living room is significantly cleaner), I thought I’d share some thoughts I’ve been having lately.

When I was a kid, like most kids, I assumed there would be some sort of defining moment when I grew up. I figured grown ups got to be grown ups through some kind of special coming of age thing, not necessarily a big ceremony, but some kind of moment where they just said to themselves “okay, I’m done with childhood, I am a grown up now”. Everyone over a certain age who’s reading this now is stifling the giggles, I’m betting. XD It’s a very silly idea, really, but things seem so black and white when you’re a kid, it seemed to make sense to me at the time.

After I graduated from high school (at 17) I figured I would “grow up” during college, that once I had my degree I would step out into the world, fully formed, and be able to grab life by the balls and get a job and an apartment and a cat in short order. Even up until I actually graduated from college, I seemed to think this would happen. But I didn’t actually do that much growing up in college (and honestly, I don’t think most people do these days). I was basically the same mess I’d been in high school, except now other people actually expected me to be able to stand on my own two feet, and I had absolutely no idea how I was supposed to do that.

In hindsight, it’s kind of a miracle I even ended up moving to Ohio, and probably in large part due to my mother doing most of the hard work for me (she rented a moving van and drove all my crap up here, helped me pick out an apartment, etc etc etc). Hell, she was still doing a lot of the hard work for me last year, she helped me move into my current apartment too, she packed and unpacked a good deal of my stuff, even found my current apartment for me.

The fact is, ever since I moved here, I’ve been waiting for that magical moment where I go “oh, I’m an adult now!” and it never came. And I’m finally realizing that it probably never will.

The good news is, I am way more grown up now than I was when I moved to Cincinnati, and even than I was a year ago. Last year I attempted to apply to grad schools, except I put everything off to the very last minute. Most of the applications were due by December 1st, and I was still scrambling around like a headless chicken on the last day of November. It was incredibly stressful, and I spent several days just crying in frustration. In hindsight, it probably wasn’t a good idea for me to try, as I was still dealing with fallout from my gall bladder surgery, an incredibly stressful retail job and all the stress from the bed bugs (it was after I’d moved to my current apartment, but for the first three months here I still jumped at every speck and spent nights lying awake in terror that they’d somehow pop up again, despite how careful we’d been during the move). If I’d been more self-aware at the time, I would have told my voice teacher and my mother (the main people pushing me) to lay off. I understand that they were pushing me because they thought I was stuck and needed a change, and they were right, but the change I needed right then had more to do with mental health and getting a different job than getting into grad school (and I don’t blame them, their hearts were in the right place).

This year, I’m ready. My grad school applications are due December 1st. I’ve already contacted most of the people at the schools I’m applying. I’m planning to re-take the GRE (my last scores are really old and only average because I didn’t study at all) by the end of October, and I fully intend to have all my paperwork and everything mailed in by the middle of November, so by November 28th I can be coming home from work and enjoying a cold beer, rather than freaking out about transcripts and recommendation letters and everything.

I never had a magical moment of feeling like a grown up, and as I said, I don’t think I ever will. I still laugh at stupid jokes, play video games and enjoy playing with dolls. But the past two weeks I’ve been really proud of how many decisions I’ve made and things I’ve done because I knew I had to do them, that they were necessary. I don’t feel like a grown up, really. I feel like a kid playing at being a grown up. But I’m doing a pretty darn good job of it, and that’s good enough for me.

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Epic Cleaning: Part 5,348

Very seryus cleaning face.

Wait, I have to do HOW much laundry?!

Well, it’s 11 AM, I am showered and dressed, and my apartment is an absolute mess. Worse than it was last time I needed to clean, because over the past couple weeks I’ve been very slack. NO MORE, HOWEVER. Today is Epic Cleaning Day.

To do:
At least 8 loads of laundry
At least two sinkfuls of dishes
At least two trash bags taken downstairs
At least half the living room vacuumed

Wish me luck, friends. At least this time I don’t have to worry about my car (it’s still almost as clean as it was two weeks ago, barring a couple papers on the passenger seat).

EDIT: As of 4:30 PM, I have finished three loads of laundry (load four in the drier, load five in the washer), de-trashed the living room (still a bit cluttered, but no trash on the floor now), re-organized my box of important papers (tax stuff, pay stubs, bills needing paid) and threw out anything non-essential. I also changed the litter box, emptied the bathroom trash can and took two big bags of trash downstairs. I’m going to end up taking a shower at the end of the day just because it would be a crime to lay a sweaty, stinky body down on clean sheets, blanket and pillowcase. XD

I still need to do dishes, but that might end up being put off until tomorrow, as my back is already starting to hurt a bit, and I don’t want to do so much I end up in major pain at work tomorrow.

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Hoorah!

Really?

Yes!

So today was a productive, if a bit silly day. XD I decided to go to the game store for two purposes, to trade in a game I didn’t care for anymore and to see if they had a CD fixer device for my Rock Band 2 disc (it’s apparently laser burned, and it won’t play). They didn’t have a CD fixer, but they did have a game I’ve been looking for lately, Grandia II! I borrowed a copy from a friend a few months back (it’s a PS2 port of a Dreamcast game) and it was so good to play it again, then I had to give it back. But now, I have my OWN copy. X3 So I can play it whenever I feel like!

After that, I went to Lane Bryant to see if they had any dress pants in my size (I only have two pairs, and one is on its way out), and lo and behold, they not only had them, but they had a pair of jeans in my size too. ;D And I had a coupon for $50 off of $150 (each pair of pants was $50, I got two dress pants and one jeans), so it was only $100. X3 So that was pretty good.

And to top it all off, I finally got my XBox from UPS, and it works again! I am paused in a game of Dragon Age: Origins right now. ;D So all in all, life is good. Now, I have darkspawn to slaughter!

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Five Fun Facts – Body Edition

This is one of my typical faces I make when concentrating at my screen. ;D

This was just for fun. XD

1. I have a bit of an oral fixation. I like to taste things (as long as I know they’re not dangerous). I know the flavor difference between gold and silver, for instance. I am a big fan of lollipops and hard candies, although I tend to start chewing on them before long because I’m impatient. Candies that dissolve fairly fast (like buttermints) are an exception.

2. I hate having things touch the front of my neck. I haven’t owned a turtleneck since high school, and I only wore one when I had nothing else clean. When I was in middle school, if forced to wear a turtle neck, I would pull the neck up to cover my mouth, and then start chewing on it (because at least then it wouldn’t be constricting my neck anymore). I also can’t wear chokers, but loose necklaces are fine. I am also all right with scarves, as long as they’re a bit loose.

3. My breasts have their own names. The left (my left) is Lulu and the right is Benoit (ben-wah). I came up with those names randomly in college and they’ve just stuck.

4. I much prefer cold to heat, I believe this is because my fat provides insulating layers (much like blubber in a whale). This means I don’t get cold easily, but I get hot if I so much as glance at a sweater.

5. I hate wearing makeup because I don’t like the feeling of having something on the skin of my face (lipstick is an exception). I also despise having to apply sunscreen, but I do it because it’s better than the alternative.

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Cough cough

Another day, another photo!

This is what I look like when I'm coughing. When I'm around people I completely cover my face with my elbow, otherwise I just turn away and shield my mouth with my arm.

I don’t really have a post for today, it’s been a long day and I’m pretty tired. I will try to have a real post tomorrow.

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Tales of Embarrassment (Graphic Bodily Fluids Edition)

Fear me and my totally awesome blouse!

Oh yeah. ;D

And a better shot of the details, from the last time I wore the shirt.

Let me preface this story by saying that while I do enjoy alcohol, I am not a drunk. I generally get drunk about once a month, if that, and otherwise might have a beer every three or four days to unwind. Not a lot, compared to a lot of people my age, and I didn’t start drinking regularly until I was old enough to buy my own alcohol.

So I got this shirt from my mother as a gift last Christmas. When I picked it up out of the box I thought “egh, what is this, a tent?” and was not convinced of it. Until, that is, I tried it on. It was like magic, absolutely beautiful, flowy and sweet and perfect. I loved it as soon as I saw what I looked like in it. But I haven’t worn this shirt in about eight months, for one very specific reason.

You see, eight months ago was my friend Eva’s wedding. Eva is probably the only real friend I made in college (I was kind of a gigantic bitch the first couple years, and by the time I started improving everyone was done with trying to be nice to me except freshmen who didn’t know about my past), and I was very happy that she invited me to her wedding (I even got to sing in it). When my mother gave me the shirt, she told me she thought I could wear it at the wedding, and I was quite happy to do so. It’s just fancy enough to do for a wedding, and not too fancy to wear to work. So I wore it to my friend’s wedding, and everything was great.

Until that night.

You see, my friend Eva has an older sister. After the ceremony and the reception and a subsequent dinner (ceremony and reception were mid-day, ended around 4, so we were all hungry by the time it was done), she suggested that we go have a drink at the hotel bar (the hotel where the wedding and reception had been held, which was a very nice hotel). I, being exhilarated and feeling like partying, said that was a great idea. Eva’s bridesmaid (she only had one, it was a very nice, small ceremony) was also all for it, so the Sister, Sister’s Hub, and Bridesmaid and I went to start getting drinks (I am not naming names specifically to not embarrass anyone).

Well. We started out with a few cocktails, having fun, and then we realized it was going to be happy hour soon and things got kind of crazy. After I was quite drunk, I started asking Sister if she would mind taking me home, as I was too drunk to navigate the bus systems. Unfortunately, despite the fact that she had stopped drinking earlier, Sister was not ready to leave. Since Bridesmaid and Hubs were having a smashing time, they convinced me to not attempt to leave by myself (not that I could have afforded to catch a cab, I was pretty broke overall at that time). And the drinks kept being bought, and the alcohol flowed like water. Long story short, by the end of the night I was more drunk that I had ever been in my life, so much so that I wound up puking in the (very posh) hotel bathroom (while Hubs was puking in the men’s bathroom). At this point, Sister FINALLY figured she should take me and Hubs home. Of course, she didn’t have a car, so she borrowed Eva’s car (which luckily was at the hotel, since Eva and her new husband had the honeymoon suite there). Unfortunately for me, I was not done puking. In fact, I not only ended up puking in my good friend’s car, I puked all over myself AND her upholstery. Sister managed to get me in the front door of my accomodations (Eva’s apartment, I was cat and dog-sitting for her) and took the dog out, and I got my puke-encrusted blue shirt off and stuck it in a sinkful of water, then collapsed into my bed.

The next morning was one of the most embarrassing of my life. Not only did I have to explain to my dear friend why she had woken up with a missing car, but also why her cared smelled vile and at some point the cat hat managed to escape the apartment and gone missing. Luckily the cat was found in short order, and I just had to live with my shame (and a wicked hangover) for the rest of the day.

Rest assured, I haven’t gotten anywhere near that drunk since then, and may never again. Unfortunately, it did have one long-lasting side effect. Despite the fact that the shirt mercifully survived being puked all over (it washed out just fine), every time I look at it now I remember that night, and being too drunk to even lean over so I didn’t puke all over myself. Luckily, I can laugh at it now, but it’s still not a very pleasant memory, and it irks me that it happened to this shirt. It couldn’t have happened to the t shirt I brought from home that was ratty and useless. 9.9

The moral of the story is, don’t let anyone you barely know make your decisions for you, no matter how drunk you are. ;D

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