Archive for September 7th, 2010

A Thousand Hearts

Most of the time you don’t notice that it’s missing.

You go through your days, living your life, doing the things you need to do. You eat, you sleep, you work, you clean. You feed your pets, you read your books, you spend time online. You go through your life as if everything is normal, and really, it is.

A couple generations ago, it wasn’t so normal to have lots of friends you didn’t see in person. People separated, yes, people traveled, there were letters sent and feelings exchanged. But how different would life have been for people in the 1800s if they had Facebook and LiveJournal and Instant Messengers? To have friends you might never have met, to talk to people you haven’t seen in years in a matter of seconds, to share thoughts and feelings and joy and despair with those who are far away.

It doesn’t really hurt that much, most of the time. Like a half-healed bruise, you don’t feel it until you knock up against something and the pain wells up, briefly, reminding you of what you don’t have.

You don’t realize until you see them again, and life is warm and lovely and you remember that that was where your heart went. That piece of yourself that you gave them, no matter how long ago it was, whether a year or a decade, whether it’s been a few months or a lifetime since you saw them last.

You don’t notice it’s missing, most of the time. You live your life, a hundred breaths, another few days, a month, a year go by. And then you see them and that hole you forgot you had is filled once more. Life is simple and beautiful and nothing else matters.

When they leave, it hurts again, but only for a time. And then you forget that piece of your heart is missing. It’s with them, and sometimes you think of it, and cherish the thought of them having a piece of you with them, no matter where they go. And when you see them again, no matter how long or short a time has passed, that piece returns with them and you feel whole again.

It hurts, a little bit, right now. To have a piece of yourself returned, for a few days, and then taken away again, it’s bound to hurt. But the hurt will go away soon enough. And no matter where they go, or how long they are gone, a part of you will be with them.

And you won’t miss it until you get it back again.


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