
I look rather nice, don't I?

I feel good about myself, which is necessary for the impending meal tonight.
Yesterday I already endured one comment about my weight from my dad’s wife’s mother. It upset me, not because of the comment itself, but her rudeness. I barely know this woman, have met her maybe five times since her daughter and my father got married, and yet she thinks it’s okay to make such a comment to me. Luckily the puppies were utterly adorable and I had some knitting to keep me calm, and thus I managed to avoid saying anything nasty to her in response.
Today, I intend to bring my knitting again, and take an anti-anxiety pill before we go, just to take the edge off. The likelihood is that I won’t need to talk to anyone about anything anyway, since most of them don’t really care about me, and I’m fine with that. I’m going to eat and knit and snorgle puppies and that’s all. I would dearly love to be able to spend time with my father by himself, but that’s not going to happen. So I will endure, and I will enjoy the food, and I will put everything else out of my mind.
Yesterday, while I was driving to my father’s house, I started practicing my Staircase Wit. This video should enlighten you. The basic idea being, that all those times you think of something perfect to say ten minutes after the fact, if you just had a stock of one liners that you’d practiced, you wouldn’t have to regret them anymore.
Since the majority of people who comment on my weight do so by making animal noises at me, either mooing or oinking, I decided to think up my own special line for those situations. “I may be a cow/pig, but at least I’m not an ass.” I’m rather proud of it, and practiced saying it out loud in the car. I’m also fond of “No, but the night is young” as a response to “are you pregnant?” (from the video) and “Fuck off!” if I get a driveby “fatass” comment. As a performer, I’m no stranger to practice, and it seems like so many people want to be clever without bothering to put the work in. Yeah, some people can just think that fast. But for those of us who require a few more moments of calculating to make the perfect comeback, practice is essential. I, personally, tend to trip over my words a bit when I’m especially vehement about a subject (angry, afraid, passionate, whatever the main emotion is that’s got me riled up). Practicing my comebacks makes me feel more confident that I won’t do that, because hopefully it’ll be so automatic I won’t have time to trip over it before it’s out of my mouth.
I don’t intend to put any of my comebacks to use today. As I said, I’m just there to eat, drink, and snorgle adorable puppies until I am half-blind with puppy bliss (I love puppies in the way some people love babies, whole-heartedly and with a constant refrain of “I want one!”). Although, if anyone says something to me about having “such a pretty face, but…” , I think I’ll know exactly what to say. ;D
Read Full Post »