Archive for February, 2011

Day o’ the Moon

I am exhausted today.

I hope tomorrow is a bit better.

Nothing specific exhausted me, it was just overall Monday bleghs. I have a couple links I want to share from LJ.

On The Ease of Decision-Making – As usual, Ferrett hits it out of the park. This is a great post about how a decision that can be gut-wrenching and heart-breaking to you can be seen by someone else as a simple one that must’ve not taken much effort on your part.

I Do Too – A great entry by someone I’ve just begun reading lately, a bit of a polyamory guru. It’s about how people assume that anyone in a poly set of relationships isn’t interested in building life-long connections, which is just bullshit.

Love Doesn’t Halve, It Doubles – Another great post by the same “poly guru” as above, where she talks about how people don’t have a finite amount of love to give, and every gift of love is unique to the person to whom it’s given.


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Day o’ the Sun

Back from my whirlwind tour of Peebles. XD

I drove out to rural Ohio this weekend to hang with two friends I haven’t seen pretty much since I started dating Boyfriend, and it was really nice. I always feel comfortable at their houses, sort of like if I was spending the weekend at home except with people instead of alone. We didn’t do a whole lot of note, there were movies and video games and a lot of knitting on my part, but otherwise it was very much the kind of thing that is fun to do but boring to read about. XD Of course, Boyfriend and I had a long talk on Saturday night which was just lovely and made me all giddy and doe-eyed (much to the chagrin of my poor friend, although she takes it in good stride). And now I am tired and must prepare for another long work week, but with the promise of a very fun weekend at the end of it (and my first full two week paycheck!) so that should keep me going just fine.

On the whole, even though I do still have some ups and downs (simply because that’s who I am, and while anti-depressants make things more balanced my emotions still run on a roller-coaster, just a much smaller one), I really enjoy my life how it is now. I am in a good place, with good people on my side. And there’s not much more I can ask for than that. ❤

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Running off to see friends today, so have a quick pre-shower pic.

I’m driving out to rural Ohio today to see a couple friends I haven’t seen in a long time (um, since I started dating Boyfriend), since Boyfriend is busy this weekend and I felt like I needed some human companionship. I can’t go a month and a half having plans every weekend and suddenly go back to not seeing anyone, it is too jarring. XD So there will be much hanging out, knitting, doll talk, and possibly a movie or two. ;D Hooray!

Now it’s time to shower. Gotta do some dishes before I leave too.

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Random Listy

Talking to people over the phone tonight. Very very tired.

Things I Learned From My Father:

1. Always carry your own pen, and, when possible, pad of paper.
2. The newest technology may be totally awesome, but if you wait a bit, it’ll get better AND cheaper.
3. You can work as hard as you can or you can make time for your family, but you can’t do both.
4. At times it is totally necessary to swear like a sailor.
5. Share your opinions, and don’t let people give you shit about them.

Yep. Randomly came up with that list the other day.

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Oi vey. For real.


Today was mildly frustrating. And I forgot to post again yesterday. I am mad at myself. XP Blargh. That’s all.

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Another Night

Chatting on the phone with my guy.

Not much to say, just working on my sock and watching Daria some more. Chatting on the phone with my guy, who I miss. ❤

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The finished first sock, and the very beginning of the toe of the second sock.

Yes, that's the sock on my head. XD

I have been doing a LOT of knitting lately, which is good. X3 Now I’ve finally started my second sock (it only took me two weeks after finishing the first one) and it’ll be the height of summer when I finish THAT. XD But that’s okay. It’ll give me more time to get the second pair started before winter comes back!

… Did I mention that I do this because I love it? Because I really, really do. ;D

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Familiar Faces

A long and eventful day, but here, have a blog post!

So this weekend has been a nice, relaxing affair. Lots of alone time, which I don’t think I realized how much I needed. XD Introvert, oh yeah, I guess I am!

This morning, I didn’t get up until 11 AM. I went through my usual morning routine on days when I don’t have cereal, which is to skip breakfast and take my shower and forget to eat until sometime in the afternoon (not the best way to eat, by far, but I am bad at keeping a schedule when I don’t have it laid out for me). At any rate, after my shower, when I was getting ready to go out and deposit my paycheck (which I got in the mail yesterday), I went and brushed my hair as I always do.

Then I stopped, and looked at myself in the mirror. And then I got really close up. Close enough to see the little lines under my eyes that are the first sign of aging I’ve noticed since I found my first gray hairs a few weeks ago. Close enough to see every fine hair on my face, the pores on my nose, and every little line on my lips.

How often do people look at themselves that closely, without some agenda of picking apart their appearance? The lines didn’t bother me. I personally look forward to the time when I don’t have such a baby face, and people don’t card me every time I order a drink. I wasn’t analyzing my face for any reason other than the fact that it’s something I rarely do. I felt kind of introspective, and so I studied my face in the mirror for a good five minutes, going over every detail of it. Eyebrows that are bushy, because I haven’t had the money to get them waxed in a while (which I only do because I’m too lazy to pluck). The slightest hint of a mustache, since I started getting that waxed and of course the hair grows back darker. The scar on the tip of my nose where I got bitten by the family dog when I was little (it was self-defense on her part, and I’ve never blamed her or been the slightest bit afraid of dogs). The pores on my nose which are larger than the pores on the rest of my face, for whatever reason. The small blemish next to my right nostril where a pimple was coming in (I popped it later in the day, so it’s slightly bigger and redder, but at least now it’ll heal). The ever-present dark circles under my eyes, for one because I don’t get quite enough iron and for another because I don’t get quite enough sleep. And my eyes, behind my fairly stylish and comfortable glasses. Eyelashes that are just thick and dark enough to be pretty, brown eyes that are warm and clear. One eyelid that droops more than the other, which runs in my mother’s family.

And then I just sat and looked into my own eyes. Mesmerized by what I saw in that face, so many stories of my life and so much about who I am, a map that I can read without even having it in front of me. I sat and stared at myself, falling in love with this beautiful girl a little, as she smiled back at me in the mirror. She certainly wasn’t perfect, not by a long shot. And she isn’t what many people would find attractive. But she has mostly clear skin, lovely dark hair, and eyes that speak a thousand words without her having to utter a sound.

I don’t know if I’ve ever looked so closely at my own face before, without being acutely aware of every flaw I perceived in it. And while there were minor things I wouldn’t mind being changed (the bushy brows and dark circles), I don’t think I would want another face.

I always want to be intimately familiar with my own face. To see pictures of myself and not feel like I’m seeing a stranger. To know without a doubt who I am out the outside, like I know myself on the inside. I’m not there yet. I’ve made progress in the past few years, since I began with Fat Acceptance, but I have a very long way to go.

But I think, from now on, if I have a really bad day, if I begin to feel like there’s nothing worthwhile about me, or I’m ugly or unlovable, that maybe I should just look at that girl in the mirror again. Look in her eyes, and see what I can find there. Maybe it won’t be the same thing, but whatever it is, it’s something worth looking for.

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Holy crap it's me in natural light!

These earrings are totally awesome.

Today has started off much better than yesterday, and I have high hopes for it continuing that way. ❤ I may update again later, but right now I’d really better be off.

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Bad Day Infinity


Today has been a really, REALLY bad day, and I really, REALLY don’t want to talk about it.

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