I am really fucking angry right now.
Okay. This entry is fueled mostly by anger, so bear with me. There will be a LOT of swearing.
Backstory: A few weeks ago, on a forum I frequent, someone posted a comment about how they didn’t understand how anyone could possibly refer to a child as “it”. I responded by stating that I refer to children as “it” sometimes, although never around their parents, because I don’t see them as properly people. Which I realize is a very unpopular view, and it comes not from my firm believe that children don’t deserve to be treated like human beings, but rather the fact that I don’t like small children and don’t want to be anywhere near them for extended periods of time. Look, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with children in general, and I would never presume to tell anyone that their children shouldn’t exist. I DO reserve the right to not be around small children as much as possible, though! Because I DON’T LIKE CHILDREN.
Until they’re old enough to hold a semi-decent conversation, I don’t have any interest in kids. It is a simple fact of my existence. I also don’t like NASCAR, but you don’t see me telling racing fans they should burn their tracks down!
So when some random woman responds to my comment (NOT the original poster) to tell me that the fact that I don’t see children as properly people “sickens” her, and it so happens that I am exhausted from work, have a headache, am hungry and also PMSing, and the word “sickens” gives me a visceral gut reaction, my response was to inform her that I am sickened by people who continue to reproduce at a reckless rate despite overpopulation, and if I ran things everyone would be on mandatory birth control with only 10% of the population allowed to breed (chosen by LOTTERY so it’s entirely random), well, I don’t claim that as my proudest moment.
But when said woman proceeds to respond with a comment that is clearly saying “well, if you’re concerned about overpopulation, GO KILL YOURSELF” (especially since I suffer from depression AND have contemplated suicide in the past), I don’t think I’m out of line in being REALLY FUCKING UPSET BY THAT.
First off, WHAT THE FUCK?! Why does anyone EVER think it’s okay to tell ANYONE to kill themselves?! THAT IS REALLY NOT OKAY. NO MATTER WHAT. And even MORE so if they have any fucking history of depression or suicidal thoughts! REALLY FUCKING NOT OKAY.
Secondly, why the fuck does being childfree mean that I am a fucking evil person? I can totally understand not agreeing with me, because OBVIOUSLY I don’t agree with people who have tons of kids. But treating me like I’m a fucking terrorist just because I don’t like children is just RIDICULOUS.
And then, of course, this person flounces from the forum. Which, what the fuck ever. Except for the comment she made about how the forum had become “anti-child”. Are you fucking kidding me? It, like 90% of the internet and the WORLD, is not only child-friendly but CHILD-OBSESSED. People talk about sanitizing everything so it’s safe for the children (which is entirely a different post). Because me and like TWO OTHER PEOPLE made a grand total of TEN POSTS where we state we don’t love kids, OMG IT’S ANTI-CHILD WE MUST ALL PANIC.
I just, JESUS CHRIST. I didn’t tell you I wanted to kill your children, or molest them! I just said I don’t like kids! HOW IS THAT A FUCKING CRIME?!
… Yeah. I am obviously still upset about this.
Footnote: I would never, EVER tell any person I know that their kids shouldn’t exist. As soon as a mother chooses to have a child, then that child has a right to exist, PERIOD. I wish that people would stop having so many kids, but it’s not my call. That doesn’t mean I’m going to magically start loving small children. It doesn’t mean I’m going to change my mind. IT IS POSSIBLE FOR ME TO HAVE THIS OPINION AND STILL ENJOY THE COMPANY OF CERTAIN OLDER CHILDREN.
Yeah. Time for bed.
While her response was deeply and fundamentally inappropriate, I also have to admit that she had every right to feel however she felt in response to a statement by a stranger that, on its face, denies humanity to children. I know that isn’t what you actually mean by it, but she doesn’t have an obligation to give a stranger the benefit of the doubt. It would be nice if she would, yes, but she isn’t required to do so.
Again, her comment wasn’t ok and I’m not in the least trying to defend it, but she also couldn’t possibly know about your history of depression, so I feel that that particular element of your unhappiness about her (very stupid and near-sociopathic) comment isn’t really grounded.
This is venturing into the realm of misty hypothesis, but I have been thinking lately that the fact that we as a society DO have so many kid-free zones (think about the difference between a fine dining restaurant and a “family” restaurant, for example) might be problematic. We not only have distinctions of behavior for kids that do not allow them to learn about interaction on more grownup levels, but we often keep them and their parents in an almost pariah state because the rest of us aren’t interested in interacting with kids. I wonder how this, combined with the fact that many kids only have their parents and maybe teachers participating in child-rearing, affects kids in the long run, not to mention parents.
Good thing I didn’t share your philosophy.
Mom
Maybe you should have, since I’m apparently such a waste of space.
—“well, if you’re concerned about overpopulation, GO KILL YOURSELF” —
I’ve heard this one a lot.
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And where are these “kid-free zones”?
I would so like to visit them.
I think you’re getting flack for, and responding (petulantly) to, what should be viewed as a blanket statement. And what do we know about blanket statements? They tend to overstate (or perhaps understate) the view of the person who makes them and are typically misunderstood by those who hear them. Do you wonder that you got the response you did? What’s the point of defending your statement with every excuse in the book, i.e, PMSing, hungry, tired, headachy. Just own it and recognize that having said what you said was going to get you negative feedback. I would also tell you that saying that you’re not interested in being around children until they can hold a decent conversation is revealing. So it’s just about you and what you get out of it? I’m sure the kids couldn’t care less about what you get out of it or them. I’m not crazy about being around kids most of the time either. For me it’s about the noise level which I am more intolerant of the older I get; but understood in their context and allowing for their spontaneity, children can be lots of fun and offer a very interesting look back at how we once were. As long as I’m commenting, I do want to mention to Llelwyn that I disagree with her comment about keeping kids and their parents in a pariah state. There are multitudes of places in our environment that are not only kid friendly but kid specific. The fact that fine dining establishments are not necessarily kid-centric does not mean they are not kid friendly. If you’re willing to take your kid to a place with entrees 20 bucks and higher, no one there is going to tell you you can’t bring your kid in, however, the expectation that their behavior will be monitored is going to be greater, too. Again, its about context, i.e., time and place. This holds true for kids and blanket statements.